This post is the last in a series of essays examining how the #Four Foolish Rules we’ve considered over the last several weeks would apply to specific situations. You may want to go back and read this series, including the introduction, before you consider this post.
The Scenario
Vacation starts when this day is over. Well, not exactly vacation. Time (mostly) off in order to move from one residence to another. The better part of three weeks, filled with packing and sorting and lifting and giving away, and maybe a bit of stolen down time.
This day has included multiple phone calls, a couple of meetings, multiple to-do items crossed off, e-mails sent, others received, and a vacation auto-responder just now set.
The trouble is, there’s still work to do. Stuff not quite finished. E-mail conversations incomplete. What to do?
Some Observations
Yup, this is about me. It’s the last day before three weeks of time “off,” in which I’ll be moving and getting resettled in the parsonage for the church where I’ve been serving since July 1. Is this an unreservedly self-serving post? Yes!
Still, I wondered, what would the #FourFoolishRules have to say about this moment I find myself in?
Applying the #FourFoolishRules
Rule #1: Everything Belongs. I’m grateful for this rule. Everything belongs. That’s a relief.
That includes the really good work I got done today! I had some good conversations and made progress on a few pesky projects. A looming deadline has a way of crystallizing what has to be done and what cannot.
I crossed a few items off my list today that I would have loved to pursue. But they weren’t doable, in this season. My “ah, well,” and my sigh of disappointment both have a place. Everything belongs.
The handful of to-do items that aren’t yet finished–they belong, too. Somewhere in the next three weeks, I’ll find time–I’ll perhaps even be glad for the distraction–to write that letter, and that newsletter article, and to address the emails that will continue to arrive. This time away is different from a renewal leave, in which I’m militant about being totally, truly, off. This particular October/November time includes Sunday mornings at worship and a couple of meetings that I’m happy to cover. The bit of work I need to do, well, it belongs.
As does my angst over having those things enter my three weeks uncompleted, and my anticipation of getting at this packing that I’ve been anxious to tackle, and the couple of books I really want to read now, and the sleeping in, and the days at home. (Remember, Rule #1: Everything Belongs. I’m really glad for that.)
Rule #2: Relationship First. In this context, this rule has some resonance with my relationships within my immediate family, but more importantly it gets at my relationship with myself. I get to own my strengths and my weaknesses.
I will ever be that person who has more on her list than she can reasonably complete. I have to make peace with that person. She is both infuriating and also totally predictable. I’m bored when I don’t have things that need attention. I get tired of that “me” but, after 50-odd years, I think she’s probably here to stay.
She’s here when I’m working and when I’m on vacation. For better and for worse, I might as well make peace with her.
Rule #3: Good Boundaries. I have to be careful that my workaholic tendencies don’t interfere with what I’m trying to accomplish. That’s the first question of boundaries. Does my behavior in this instance interfere with what I’m trying to do in the coming weeks?
So, then: Can I do the work of moving that is the focus of this time off, and still take care of this handful of responsibilities that I have hanging over me, unfinished, tonight?
The answer is simple. YES! That’s totally doable.
The other boundaries question is, am I clear about what is mine and what belongs to someone else? Part of being away from work is being able to say, “They’ll be fine without me.” I’ve known quite a few people who refused to take time off, worrying that things would not go well without them. (Actually, I’m certain some of them were more worried that things would go fine without them, and they weren’t ready to face that truth.) This has always made me sad. I believe in getting away.
I’m blessed to have a fabulous administrative assistant and an amazing husband, and both of them help make it possible for me to let go of things when I need to. Plus volunteers who have agreed to step in to cover various groups and responsibilities and details. I’m really grateful for that. I care a lot about the responsibilities I carry, and I never want to let things fall to the ground when it feels like they’re in motion. It’s a huge blessing to me that I can say, “This is what I need to worry about for a few weeks” (in this case, my move), and all those ragged details of umpteen concerns don’t have to be mine just now.
They’ll either get done, or they won’t. They’ll be done fabulously, or they’ll be done “just fine,” or perhaps they won’t get done at all. And the sun will still rise, and set, and an election day will still come and go, and we’ll deal with where things are and move forward in a few weeks.
Rule #4: Clean Up Our Messes. And if some of those things create messes–conflict, problems, misunderstandings, disagreements? Then we’ll deal with that. That’s what we do, after all. As often as necessary. Address the issue, one on one. Or bring others into the conversation, and come (in time) to a place of resolution.
There’s joy in knowing that there’s a plan. Even if something arises, it’s not the end of the story. We’ll have work to do; we won’t just let it lie. We’ll work toward reconciliation, and peace, and we’ll love one another, just like Jesus told us to.
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As this “Working the Rules” series comes to an end, I’m taking a short break from my weekly blog schedule. Learning from the podcasts that have “seasons,” I’ll pause while I get through this move and through the challenges of the end of what has been a challenging 2020. I’ll be back in January, if not sooner. In the meantime, be well.
Photo by pan xiaozhen on Unsplash
May the three weeks go well! There’s always a deck overlooking a pond if you need to just sit and breathe, and a cup of coffee or glass of wine to share.