Pause a minute and focus on that picture. What do you see? Seriously, pause and look. What story is it telling about the two women pictured there? Maybe it's a moment of sisterhood and delight. Two friends, caught in dusky sunset light, leaning into a glad future with just a bit of nostalgia. Maybe the blond--I'll call her Susannah--is headed off to college in the morning. Amy's giving her a last hug, resting her head on Susannah's shoulder, reluctant to let go. Or maybe it's a less harmonious moment. Maybe that look on Susannah's face is about her disappointment in what she just … [Read more...] about Rule #3 Again: Good Boundaries
Rule #3: Good Boundaries
Do you know that old saying, "Good fences make good neighbors"? Today's Rule #3 is connected to the truth of that saying. We'll live more peacefully alongside other people when we keep our fences in good repair. It's a basic truth of Life Together. Good fences might look like actual fence posts and woven wire that separates your cattle on one side from the neighbor's on the other. Adjoining farmers are wise to pay attention to such things. It prevents angry exchanges and confusion and the extra, inconvenient work of sorting animals that have scrambled from one side to the other. Good … [Read more...] about Rule #3: Good Boundaries
Rule #2: Relationship First
You'd think we wouldn't even need to say this. Of course, everything starts with relationship. The most important things in our lives are the people, right? Our families. Our friends. So many people are so dear to us. But as we continue this conversation about the Four (Foolish) Rules for Life Together, it feels oddly necessary to put this one into words. Why is that? In Foolish Church, I said, "The first and best thing we do...is enter into real relationships with real human beings" (p. 27). I spent a whole chapter on this subject (chapter 2). Why? Well, on a good day, we don't need the … [Read more...] about Rule #2: Relationship First
Rule #1: Everything Belongs
The first rule for our life together is: Everything. Belongs. Say it. Out loud, I mean. Now say it to another human being. Even one that you've just exchanged harsh words with, or you don't like very much right now. Tell them, "Everything belongs." Why? Because even that person does. Belong. Even their opinion that you disagree with. Even the emotion that arises in you and in them as you think about what just happened between you. There's a place for all of it. It belongs, in a very deep and true way. This doesn't mean that it's all good. "Everything belongs" doesn't mean … [Read more...] about Rule #1: Everything Belongs
#FourFoolishRules
I can give you lots of angles that illustrate what I mean by #FoolishChurch. If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you know a lot of them. (Scroll, baby!) Many of you have read my book, Foolish Church where I make the case for a church that's more messy, raw, and real than we have generally known. Over time, though, I've sensed that we need some specific, simple rules that'll help us implement this foolishness. Guidelines that will help us navigate specific, living situations, to guide our thinking and help us decide what to do next. I'm getting ready to share these rules in the … [Read more...] about #FourFoolishRules
The Community More Real Than the Church
My friend Deborah Coble posted a picture of a recently-completed knitting project last week. It was colorful and intriguing, but what grabbed me was her reflection about it. She described her Facebook post with this picture in a knitters' group, which generated hundreds of clicks ("likes" and "hearts" and nearly 100 comments, all with affirmations. This even though, as she described it, "My project is a beginner level compared to the work of most in the group." (I must say, it doesn't look very beginner-ish to me!) Where I saw Deborah's post was in a clergy group that she observed has … [Read more...] about The Community More Real Than the Church